userdghweygdfuyewn
New member
I’ve known this boy since primary school, when we were around eight until 12, although we were never particularly close back then. It was the kind of thing where he and his friends would be the boys in the class our group was closest with. I liked him at different points while we were there and I know FOR SURE he liked me in 6th and maybe also at other points (his younger brother told me). We both went into boarding schools and our friends threw us a joint going away party. We got into a sort of talking stage that lasted for around five months, re4cently (3 years later). There was mutual interest, and I became quite emotionally attached to him, Id probs consider him the first boy I truly loved. During that time, there were periods where he seemed interested and affectionate, although he could also be inconsistent over text and sometimes leave me on opened but ******** was the only social media he had so I think he was chronically offline. We eventually spent time together in person once on a train to our different boarding schools, we talked at the station but needed uo being in different carriages but we texted back and forth the whole time (3hr journey). And we met one other time at a teenage disco in which I was the one who convinced him to go and sold him a ticket. We shifted while chairing (kiss with tongue in Ireland while straddling) which made me think there was still something between us. He asked me if I wanted to get with him btw (kiss). Also he was very respectful, he didn't grope me like crazy or anything like that as most guys do and over the 6 months he never objectified me. We were supposed to meet the next day but that didn't work out due to poor planning. However, I wasn't free for ages on that day forward because of multiple reasons and we never met and then he wasn't free. Then he started getting more distant, I asked if we were good, he said he'd js been busy as he only had access to his phone 20mins a day while at a residential course. He never explicitly said yes or no but were good was implied. 2 days afterwards he told me that he didn’t think it was going to work and that although he thought I was good-looking and nice, he didn’t want a relationship at the moment. I accepted this and replied that it was cool and wished him a good summer. We haven’t really had a proper conversation since, but I still have feelings for him and find myself thinking about whether his decision was about me specifically or simply about not wanting a relationship at this point. His friend also has a long history of liking me and started texting me like the day we broke it off. His friend eventually asked me out two weeks later and I replied yes originally but later told him I didn't think it was gonna work cuz I wasn't fully over his friend. His friend didn't answer when I replied to this and I got worried so I texted my original talking stage and said I was sorry but I didn't think it would help if I texted the friend. He replied and I think he actually told his friend to answer my text. After that whole fiasco my friend asked his friend why he didn't think we would work (bc not wanting a relationship is obviously bs) he said he thought I was really nice etc. but something wasn't there and he felt that he didn't wanna date me out of guilt cuz then he'd be unhappy so I would be unhappy and it would be a mess. His birthday is coming up in about a month, which has also made me wonder whether contacting him would be a good idea or whether I should leave things alone, its been a month already since we broke up, even if we were never in a relationship. I really miss him and my heart aches. I kissed another guy since and I felt PHYSICALLY sick after and I started shaking like crazy. I js don't know whether I should text him....
